go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
