just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is the high leading the old right now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
