How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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