Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize