; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i barfeds in our rink
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
