And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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