I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize