I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize