just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
