going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
