does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
