my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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