mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
