I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
