So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
