Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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