i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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