Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
