God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
