I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
