And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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