while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
