Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
