8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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