Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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