I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
