So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
operation have a gay friend backfired
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
