drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
