last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We need to get me chipped asap
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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