she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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