There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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