I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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