Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
