Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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