HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
