Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize