remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
