Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
