Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
