I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want her autograph on my taint
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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