just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
