I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
