literally had 100 drinks last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
