i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
