i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
