Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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