Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
