By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
