i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
