Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
