did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize