I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
