A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize