sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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