We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
