my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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