Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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