We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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