Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
