he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize