I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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