omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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