its not stalking. its research.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
