An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How external is "for external use only"?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
