am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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