Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
