I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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