If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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