Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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