i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
