his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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