Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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