Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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