two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
