you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
