Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found puke in my bra..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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